Rahm Emanuel made his formal announcement Saturday. He is going to be the next mayor. He is the one we have been waiting for. The Savior.
A chorus of angels lit up the skyline to announce the new Messiah. The Magi showed up- Aldermen Mary Ann Smith, Gene Schulter, and Pat Levar. They were bearing gifts of precinct workers. Two hundred sheeple were herded into a school gym to see the Emanuel.
Rahm rode the Democratic Machine ass through town. People scattered the ground with green. Dollars, tens, twenties, fifties, hundreds. November 13 will be forever known as Kachingo Sunday. After his announcement he went to the lake- to prove he could walk on water.
Rahm is performing miracles already. He is turning hot air into a symphony orchestra. He turned five fish into a massive precinct organization. He is raising voters from the dead.
Rahm has Messianic visions. He has imagination. His apostles are imagineers. Like all good Democratic Messiahs, he has proclaimed all of us must suffer the sacrifices. The innocent must pay for the sins of the past. The sinners themselves will be redeemed and rewarded.
The ruthless will inherit Chicago. The poor will always be with us. The laughing will weep. The merciful will be punished. For the followers and the contributors of Rahm , the Kingdom of Chicago will be theirs.
Rahm will scourge the temple to improve education, cut crime, and run this city like its never been run before. He will hang out with the tax collectors, the prostitutes we call aldermen, and other unclean sundry politicos. He will convert them to Rahmism. He is the Messiah.
Rahm will sacrifice himself for our future. He is going to bear the cross. He will wear the crown of corruption. In three months he will rise. Rahm will prove he is the Emanuel. We will worship him, adore him, sing hymns of praises to him. Horahma, horahma, horahma.
He will sit on the throne of graft. On his right will be the grey wolves- the aldermen. On his left will be the sheep led to the slaughter- the people of Chicago.